~*sayonara*~

So in a blank almost zombie like trance, I have been sitting here and starring blindly at my screen for the past 20 minutes trying to think of two sentences to string together that won’t make me fall to pieces all over again. The other day I found out a close friend of mine and shoe fetish partner in crime has left this world for the next. And this great big gnarl hole has opened in my heart and I can’t seem to stop crying every time I stop from what I am doing- editing pictures or just doing work because if I don’t stay busy then the pain will catch up and I will break down once more.

She was there for me more times then I can count on both hands and toes with all the dumb road kill blocks in the way of life. We shared tears, smiles, laughter and most importantly love and respect for one another. She helped me out with so many things, showed me different point of views from someone who didn't speak the language; she welcomed me into the fold with open arms when I peeked into the forum for the first time and made sure that I wasn't alone.

She was this type of person who would spout Buddha in a chat to cheer someone up while having a grin a mile wide- she was one those genuinely happy people for no reason who would go out of their way to find you if you are sad and send spammy, goofy email or pm messages to you. She always listened when I had a problem and I felt the people who I use to go talk to didn't care unless it revolved around them; she was this person who would be the shoulder you could cry on, the person who would give you heartfelt words, and be there when you needed her the most.

It was like there was this spark in her- this light that made you want to shake her hand, she really was a wonderful person and it's not fair she was taken from us, of all the people in the world many of us are going "its not fair!" I know for one I am stricken for losing someone as bright as her but I am glad to have had spend as much time with her as I have- I am grateful she came into this world and I will be looking to the stars to see if she is watching everyone again and going "....wait till they get up here....group pounce piles all around."

Jen, we shared many bouts of laughter, shedded many rounds of tears when I had my emotional break down and you had bought that international calling card and literally called me at my flat asking me if i was okay? and ended up buying three more to keep the conversation going with me. btw your dialect was horrible at the time but you managed and still reached me when I thought I was alone. You helped out my bff when he was fighting with his dad again and were there for him to lean on when Ian couldn’t. You truly are one of god's creations- I am going to miss you heart breakingly so- and everyday it is going to be hard on us and everyone whose lives you touched; knowingly or not but we both know you knew. You are the one of the best things that has ever happened in my life and so many others.

Jen, my red bouncy tigger
my darling muse of light
I am proud to have called you my sister
I hope you are at peace


You once told me "Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most." And right now even though your story is ending too soon for it to actually start- this is just another beginning for you. And mine is only at the half way part so I will make sure the ending is a good one that makes you smile. We will meet once more because I will be seeing you again up there and then it can begin again. Watch over your sons and husband because their grief will be hardest to bear.


愛しています my bouncy red tigger


さよなら
your little black sun.